Car Wash
by tsukiflower
Summary: Ed, Mustang, and Al go to the car wash. Mustang gets a horrible idea....with an extras chapter!
1. Chapter 1

**A short weird story I came up with one day when I was at a car wash...I decided to write it! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist...

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**Ed, Mustang, and Al were out on a drive one day...**

Mustang looked at his dirty car and decided to head to the car wash near Central.

"WHAT? Ugh..I just want to get back to Central, I don't know why we were sent with YOU of all people on a mission."

"Fullmetal, if you don't agree to go to the car wash, I'll show everyone that embarrassing picture of you at the New Year's party."

"Picture? What picture?"

Mustang smirked at him as Ed looked away wondering what picture.

"Fine, go..." Ed said as he imagined throwing Mustang from the car.

"Don't worry Brother, it's just a small detour, it's no problem, right?"

"Whatever.."

Mustang drove into the car wash and got out. The employees quickly got to work as the three took a seat at the car wash's waiting room. Al watched the people wash the car, Edward sat looking at a wall, and Mustang noticed a sign on the wall in front of him.

"Hmm...it says it's Ladies Day at this car wash today...half off on the car wash..."

Mustang stayed quiet for a minute then got a brilliant (in his mind..) idea.

"Hey! Why don't you do me a favor Edward?" Mustang said as sweet as he could.

"Why the hell should I do anything for you?"

Mustang whispered the idea into Edward's ears. Al watched as Ed's face turned red.

"WHAT? YOU WANT ME TO DRESS UP AS A WOMAN? WHAT KIND OF SICKO ARE YOU?"

"Edward, I just think we will save money if you pose as a woman and pay for the car wash."

"DO I LOOK LIKE A WOMAN TO YOU?"

Mustang looked at Edward. "Long hair...height shouldn't be a matter...just use my coat to make sure no one suspects anything."

Edward looked at Mustang with fury but thought of the picture he said he had. "Al...Why doesn't Al do it? No one knows who he is.."

Al looked at his brother confused. "You think I look like a girl?"

"WELL, DO I?"

Al looked at his brother and looked away whispering something. "You might be able to pull it off..."

"WHAT?"

"Nothing."

Mustang told Edward to go to the bathroom quickly and let his hair down and put on Mustang's coat. Edward didn't take long to change. Mustang and Al looked at him and saw no change except he looked smaller with the coat on.

"WAIT!"

Mustang took out lipstick and make-up and put it on Edward.

"There! Perfect!"

Al and Ed looked at Mustang in confusion.

"Colonel..why do you have those things with you?"

"Well...you know...there are times in a man's life when..out of curiosity...he steals his fellow employee's...EDWARD GET GOING!"

Edward started walking to the counter where he had to pay. He looked back to Mustang and decided one day..he'd kill him.

"Edward, try walking more..feminine..and stop frowning!" Mustang whispered.

"Good luck, Big Brother..." Al tried to make Ed feel better but that just made him feel even worse.

Ed passed a man sitting down near the counter. He saw the man was looking at him. The man winked at Edward as he passed.

"Ugh...this has to be the worst day of my life..." Ed thought wanting to run away from the car wash.

Edward reached the counter where a young woman stood behind.

"Yes? Can I help you...Ma'am?"

"Yes...I'd like to pay for the car wash..it's Ladies Day today right?" Ed said in a high voice.

"Umm...yes..." The woman took Ed's money and stared at him as he walked away.

As the three got into the clean car and drove away, Edward was swearing at Mustang as Al shuddered from the thought of seeing his brother wearing make-up.

"So, you bastard...where's that picture you said you had of me?"

"Oh, that. There never was a picture of you..I just made that up."

"YOU WHAT?"

"Though, it makes me curious as to what you DID do at that New Year's party that you didn't want anyone to see.."

Edward turned red and put his red coat over his face trying to take the make-up off. Mustang smiled and put his hand to his pocket.

"There WAS no picture of you...but now there is..." Mustang said as he patted the camera in his pocket. He had a perfect shot of Edward at the car wash.

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**I don't know why I thought of that...it just came to my mind. I decided to write it since I was bored. Hope you enjoyed it!(or you might have reacted the way Al did...) ****-tsukiflower**


	2. Extras

**I wrote some extras! Sorry but I love writing these! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist..but I did buy a copy of the photo Mustang took of Edward! -I wish, y'know..for...blackmail..- **

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**THE INCIDENT!**

"Brother, I've been meaning to ask...what did you do at the New Year's party?" Al asked his brother who was still shuddering from the incident from the car wash.

"I...I.." Edward muttered something under his breath, his face red from embarrassment.

"I can't hear you, brother..."

"SOMEONE SPIKED MY DRINK AND I SANG THE BARNEY SONG!" Edward yelled and fell to the floor.

**Flashback**

"I LOVE YOU YOU LOVE MEEEEEE! WE'RE A HAPPY FAMILYYY! WITH A GREAT BIG HUG AND A KISS FROM ME TO YOU! WON'T YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME TOO!" Edward sung loudly as he hugged the nearest person to him which happened to be Major Armstrong.

"What a touching song...one I shall pass down in the Armstrong family for GENERATIONS!" Armstrong said crying.

**End Flashback a.k.a Horrible Memory**

Alphonse laughed quietly at the thought of Edward singing the song.

"Sh-shut up...happy place...happy place..I can see Mom...mommy.." Edward laid on the floor rocking back and forth.

**FANBOYS?**

Edward got his change after paying and turned around to face a group of guys staring at him.

"OH MY GOD! She's so pretty..." One of the guys said.

"W-what the? Wait a second I'm not a.." Edward didn't have time to be mad the guys were about to surround him.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Edward screamed running past Mustang and Alphonse as the guys chased him.

"Umm..I think that just scarred me for life..." Alphonse said sadly.

"Don't worry.." Mustang said patting Al on the shoulder. "I WILL BE YOUR BIG BROTHER NOW. Let's start by teaching you about miniskirts!"

Alphonse stared at Mustang and saw he was dead serious.

"BROTHER COME BACK!"

**IT WON'T...**

Edward pulled his red coat over his face to take the makeup off as they drove to Central after going to the car wash.

"H-hey..." Edward looked at a small mirror he had with a worried face. He kept rubbing his coat on his face.

"What's wrong, Fullmetal?"

"IT WON'T COME OFF!" Edward yelled trying as hard as he could to get the make-up off.

"What do we do now?" Alphonse asked Mustang.

"Hmmm...AHA! I just had another brilliant idea!" Mustang stopped the car, took a brown paper bag, cut out two holes for eyes, and put it over Edward's head.

"There you go!" Mustang smiled at his work. Edward yelled infuriated.

"THIS ISN'T GOING TO WORK YOU IDIOT! EVERYONE WILL NOTICE IT!"

"Hmm..." Mustang looked at the bag on Edward's head, took out a marker and drew a frown and angry eyebrows on it.

"Much better!" Alphonse chuckled.

"DAMN IT AL! HOW IS THAT BETTER?" Edward shouted as the car began to move again.

At Central, everyone stared at the angry paper bag on Edward's head.

"DON'T-SAY-ANYTHING-OR I WILL KILL YOU." Edward said to everyone in the room. As Hawkeye and the rest chuckled quietly, Edward glared at them and walked out the room slamming the door. The moment he ran off he could hear the room bursting with laughter.

**MAKEUP**

"Colonel..." Mustang heard Hawkeye and looked up at Hawkeye who was clearly mad.

"DID YOU TAKE MY MAKE-UP?" Hawkeye held her gun in her hand as Mustang began to sweat.

"U-uh...I needed it?" Mustang smiled at her.

"YOU NEEDED IT? HOW COULD YOU NEED IT? You know what? BLACK HAYATE SICK'IM!" Hawkeye yelled as Black Hayate chased Mustang out of the room.

"I'm surrounded by idiots..." Hawkeye sighed as she walked out the door.

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**YUP! Finally got to writing these! Hope you enjoyed at least one of them!**

**Mustang: So...you see...when I become Fuhrer...which I will...you can see all the miniskirts as you please...new little brother...but you can't touch!**

**Alphonse(tied up by Mustang): Someone help me...**

**-tsukiflower**


	3. Extras Part 2

**I wrote a few more...don't know why but these are the last so..enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist...I had a bottle of milk but Edward smashed it when he saw it... **

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**THE PHOTO**

There was a party at Central Headquarters and everyone was enjoying themselves. Of course, they all had had too much to drink...

"LOOK AT HER! MY PRIDE AND JOY! MY DARLING ELYSIA!" Hughes said to everyone showing his photos again.

"HA!" Mustang laughed as he searched for something in his pockets.

"OH YEAH? CHECK OUT MY PRIDE AND JOY!" Mustang said as he revealed of a photo of who else? But Edward from the car wash.

"OH MY GOD! Is that...Edward?" Breda shouted.

Everyone began to laugh as Mustang acted like Hughes and kissed the photo.

"Man...what a weirdo.." Hughes said staring at Mustang while putting away photo number 57 out of 300 of Elysia.

**REVENGE**

Edward had vowed to kill Mustang one day. Today was that day. He might have forgiven Mustang if he hadn't taken a photo then shown it to everyone at the party but that was the last straw. Edward made sure Al was away for the day and walked quickly to headquarters in Central. He opened the door and stomped in. As Edward passed the halls, someone blocked him.

"EDWARD! WELCOME BACK! AND I HAVE NEW PHOTOS TOO!"

"Listen, Hughes, I really don't--"

"YOU HAVE PLENTY OF TIME!" Hughes said as he waved the photos in the air. Suddenly Hughes heard a gun shot. He looked up to see a hole going through all the photos and Edward holding a gun.

"ELYSIA!" Hughes hugged his photos crying.

"As I said, I don't have time for this." Edward continued to move down the hallway. Falman, Breda, and Fuery were in the hallway when they saw Edward.

"Hey Edward! No make-up today?" Breda said as the others laughed. Edward shot 4 bullets out the window.

"GET OUT OF MY WAY." Edward stared coldly at the three as they cowered in a corner.

Edward walked down the hall and looked around.

"Good, Hawkeye isn't around." Edward crept towards Mustang's office and slammed the door open. Mustang had his head laid down sleeping, with a mountain of paperwork by him.

"HEHE..I've been waiting for this." Edward smirked as he aimed the gun at Mustang's head. "CLICK!"

"Huh?" Edward heard the gun but no bullet. He kept pulling the trigger and checked the gun.

"W-What...? No more bullets? W-why?" Edward cried. He looked through his pockets and found he hadn't brought any extras. He walked away disappointed out the office. The three were still cowering in a corner when he passed and Hughes was crying over his photos. Edward walked out the building.

"Guess...I'll go see what Al's doing.." Edward sighed and tossed the gun away.

Mustang yawned as he woke up and scratched his head. He saw Falman, Breda, and Fuery peeking in.

"Sure is a boring day today huh?" Mustang smiled as the three shuddered. In the distance he could hear Hughes crying "Elysia..".

**PLAGIARIZING IS SO WRONG...**

Fuhrer Bradley has heard of what had happened with Mustang and Edward. He thought about it, he really would like to have a nice clean car and today was the day of the special price.

"Yes can I..." The woman behind the counter gasped when she saw what was clearly the Fuhrer in a dress.

"FUHRER SI-SIR? Wha..." The woman shuddered at the sight.

"Hmm...I guess I'm not so good at disguises, you got me..how much do I owe?"

"N-nothing! JUST GO SIR!" The woman yelled trying to get rid of him. The Fuhrer thanked the woman and left in his clean car.

"I'M GOING TO HAVE NIGHTMARES OF THAT FOR YEARS..." The woman muttered as she fell to her feet.

**ALPHONSE...**

Edward had finally gotten rid of the fanboys who had chased him and headed back to the car wash. He came in and saw that Al and Mustang were gone. The woman behind the counter told him they had already left. Edward went to headquarters to look for his brother and found Mustang in his office and beside him lay Al tied up.

"Wh-what the? Al, what's going on?"

"Umm..Brother..."

"Ahem..." Mustang looked at Alphonse.

"I mean...Edward...? My new big brother...was just showing me some things.."

"WHAT? NEW BIG BROTHER?" Edward looked at Mustang confused.

"That's right! You can just call Al, Alphonse Mustang from now on!" Mustang said cheerfully. As he said this, Edward picked up the nearest thing, a book, and slammed it on Mustang's head. He then untied Al who stared at his brother for hitting Mustang.

"Let's...go Al..."

"O-ok brother..."

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**Those were all scary...huh? Well that's it for extras! **

**Woman from the car wash: You know what? I quit! They don't pay me enough for this! (woman runs off shouting) I'M FREE!**

**Edward: That was weird...**

**-tsukiflower**


End file.
